Grief advocate Marisa Renee Lee said on September 25, 2026 that joy belongs to you even while you are grieving.
Lee is the author of “Grief Is Love.” Her advice starts with permission. Name what you feel, out loud or on paper, instead of deciding some feelings are too much. “Of course, it’s gonna make you angry and upset and sad and feel overwhelmed,” she said. “But how else should you feel?”
From there she offers a few practical moves. Put the anger somewhere useful, like writing or advocacy. Take care of the body that is carrying all of this, through therapy, movement, breathwork. Set a boundary around how much hard news you take in, and around the people who drain you.
Then the part most of us need permission for. “It is okay to experience joy,” Lee said. “You experiencing joy doesn’t mean that you have forgotten about what has happened.”
Black women get handed grief and a to-do list at the same time. Keep the family going. Keep the job. Keep it together at the repast. Lee’s point is that the smiling is not a performance and it is not disrespect. It is your nervous system getting a minute to breathe so healing has somewhere to happen.
If today is heavy, take the laugh when it comes.
